


Crazy MotherFuckers and an old Professor

by imapanmess



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Dream is a bitch, Fundy is wilburs son, Gen, Kinda, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, even more reasons the ages are messed up, fundy is a mini techno, he just wants normal kids, hes funny, i dont really care, i guess this is a collegeAU, idk even know whats happening tbh, idk how to tag, its chaotic, its great, oh well, phil is such a dad, sbi, techno and fundy friendship supremacy, technos emo, their ages are messed up too, their also not streamers, this is just another textfic, this is just me rambling, this isnt set in minecraft btw, tommy is just shouting constantly, uhh yeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imapanmess/pseuds/imapanmess
Summary: uhh.. idk read the tagsthis is just another one of those text fics i got bored its a little chaotic
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	1. Do your fucking homework

#  _ [GROUPCHAT.] _

Dream - New group chat cus y not 

Dream - Whats up assholes 

Sapnap - nm dickhead 

George - trying to sleep :/ but nooo you decided to make another group chat out of the 26 we already have

Dream - fuck off. This ones different it has the furry in it

Fundy - fuck you. 

Dream - i didnt even say your name lmao 

Tommy - I AM GETTING BITCHES MOTHERFUCKER

Philza - jfc tommy , he's supposed to be doing his homework 

Philza- we really didnt need a new group chat but whatever

Dream - I wanted one so this is what you get ya old fucker 

Tubbo - sorry dad i tried to get tommy to do it but he wont stop screaming about women and drugs 

Tubbo - im good tho :)

Tommy - HOMEWORK IS FOR PUSSIES

Philza - Tommy you have a project due in 4 hours

Tommy - what 

Tommy - I gtg hold on 

Fundy - dumbass i did that project like last week

Wilbur - because i made you

Fundy - shut up.

Wilbur - Anyways im working on a new song and I have to write about about personal experiences so expect to hear crying at 4am from the bathroom

Technoblade - I can’t do this anymore. You are all so loud. I am going to cut out all your vocal chords.

Fundy - Can I help?

Technoblade - You still got those knives I brought you?

Fundy - Obviously. I always keep one on me.

Technoblade - Good.Your a smart kid.

Wilbur - YOU BROUGHT MY SON A KNIFE?!

Technoblade - multiple actually.

Wilbur - what did i expect? son give me the knives.

Fundy - nope. 

Tommy - HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW I CAN SPEEDRUN PROJECTS FASTER THAN DREAM 

Philza - tommy…

Dream - ha. you havent speedrun a project until its 6:35 am you have a lecture you have to take notes for at 6:45 and your projects due at 7:00. MotherFucker.

Sapnap - take that. Child.

George - Sap i do all your work and still manage to get mine done on time aswell. You cant say shit.

Sapnap - whatever

Philza - atleast one of you is sensible and has time management skills

Tubbo - hey! I do all my homework on time and help tommy with his!

Philza - sorry tubbo. 2 of you are sensible and have time management skills

Sapnap - I wouldnt say George has time management skills

Dream - yh lmao he literally sleeps all the time 

George - Im not even gonna argue with you on that. Im in bed rn 

Philza - I just want normal people in my life god dammit 

Wilbur - you love us really

Philza - yh. Yh i do. I love you all even if you are a pain in the ass.

Tommy - LOVE YOU TOO DAD

Tubbo - ly dad <3

Wilbur - love ya old man 

Technoblade - I do in fact maybe love you. Maybe.

Fundy - Love you granddad 

Dream - love ya mate 

Sapnap - Love youuuuuu dude

George - yh...ly 

Philza - now thats established , Tommy go do your fucking homework properly , Will go finish your song in the attic its soundproof up there , Techno just dont hurt anyone for gods sake , Dream finish that code you were working on its due in two days , Sap you have 16 missing assignments just do one of them for crying out loud or do some other homework idk something productive, Fundy go outside without any weapons. Tubbo + George you can do whatever the hell you want your perfect.

Tubbo - aw thx dad 

George - im going to bed night!

Dream - Its fine like you said i have 2 days 

Tommy - I DONT WANNA DO MY HOMEWORK BITCH

Wilbur - im going to the bathroom and no one can stop me from taking my guitar

Technoblade - I make no promises.

Sapnap - I think im just gonna get high instead 

Philza - If you come to one more of my classes drunk high or hungover I am going to personally kick your ass to the moon 

Sapnap - chill out mannnn i'll be fine 

Philza - Oh and fundy i can hear you sharpening those knives. 1) your sharpening them wrong and 2) Go read a book or something i cannot have 2 weapon freaks in the house 

Fundy - but there fun to play withhhh

Philza - Put them away or ill make your dad searches every single nook and cranny in your room and who knows what the fuck is in there probably a furry suit or something

Fundy - Okay. Fine. Techno youre gonna have to teach me how to hide stuff later. 

Technoblade - gotcha.

Tommy - YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING WEIRD

Wilbur - tommy if you stfu i will help you prank an american

Tommy - I am suddenly quiet.

Dream - wow that worked 

George - imo the americans in the chat should be scared 

Sapnap - Me and Dream shall be leaving :) AND NOT BCUS IM SCARED

George - lmao okay scaredycats 

Dream - fuck you. 

* _ dream and sapnap have gone offline* _

Philza - suddenly it's a lot quieter 

_ *5 minutes later* _

Tubbo - hey tommyyy… i know your being quiet but i need help

Tommy - YES TUBBO 

Wilbur - there goes the peace and quiet

Tubbo - can you check my english hw? Pleaseeee

Tommy - Yh of course! Gimme 2 secs! 

Tommy - also fuck you wilbur

Dream - that was sweet 

Wilbur - yh i know 

Philza - The kid really has a soft spot for tubbo its adorable 

Tommy - YALL ARE JUST JEALOUS 

Sapnap - of what?

Tommy - MY GRADE 9 ENGLISH SCORES 

Philza - more like 7’s but okay 

Tommy - FUCK OFF

Philza - what he said now all bugger off and do your work. If i find out that your high or playing with dangerous objects i will not hesitate to ground you into the deepest pits of tartarus 

Technoblade - I’m already there. Did you know that tartarus is actually a god? 

Philza - thats cool techno but you need to stop being so emo 

Technoblade - never. 

Dream - jesus alright bye 

Sapnap - bye crazy man you cant even ground me in not your kid

Philza - You wanna bet? 

Sapnap - i feel threatened 

Fundy - you should. Try being his grandson. It's terrifying. 

Tubbo - bye dad!

Tommy - BYE DAD

Wilbur - cya old man 

Technoblade - goodbye.

Fundy - bye

Dream - before i go lmao

_ [Dream changed the group chat named to  _ _ * _ **_Crazy Motherfuckers and an old professor*_ ** _ ] _

_ [Dream changed everyones nicknames] _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> for the non brits -   
> 7 = A , 9 = A**


	2. Why? Just why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furry: My mother wasnt a fish. I think. 
> 
> Furry: what the fuck. DREAM I HAVE A KNIFE IN MY HANDS RIGHT NOW. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!
> 
> here is everyones nicknames for those confused when reading
> 
> Dream - Dream  
> Twink - George  
> Pandas - Sapnap  
> Old - Philza  
> Blood god - Technoblade  
> FishFucker - Wilbur soot  
> six foot one/I AM SIX FOOT ONE - Tommyinnit  
> bee boy (derogatory) - tubbo  
> Furry - Fundy

_[Crazy motherfuckers and an old professor]_

Old: oh god what did you do 

Old: Seriously? Old? That the best you can do? 

Dream: i can change it if your not satisfied lmao i have better ideas 

Old: i'm good thanks old is fine 

Old: Anywho, who wants to check theirs next?

Dream: George, you should go :) 

Twink: no. 

Twink: fuck. 

Twink: omg fuck you. I am going to kick you in the balls. 

Dream: i’m not lying tho

Twink: fuck off. 

Old: well...that was...funny lmao… whos next?

Twink: omg fuck all of you. Sapnap go next. 

Pandas: fine.

Pandas: i'm gonna kill you my names not fucking pandas

Dream: it is now. 

Pandas: fuck you my names not pandas 

Pandas: i nominate tommy next 

Dream: oh you are going to love this :)

Six foot one: WHAT DID YOU DO

Six foot one: FUCK YOU I AM 6’3 FUCK YOU I AM GOING TO ARGHHHH I AM 6’3 I AM BIG MAN CHANGE IT NOW

Dream: no. 

Dream: i can practically hear you all snickering lmao youre just too scared to type in chat 

Six foot one: FUCK YOU. YOUR A PEICE OF SHIT. I HATE YOU ALL. 

Dream: I have had an idea. 

_[Dream changed six foot one’s nickname]_

Dream: go on tommy. Try it. Dont be a pussy. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: I HATE YOU ALL. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3) 

Dream: hate you too :)

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: TUBBO GO NEXT 

bee boy (derogatory): okay.

bee boy (derogatory): i like it :D

bee boy (derogatory): not the dergratrty part :(( that's mean

Old: why’d you go so easy on him?

Dream: you wanna try saying something bad about tubbo? 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: DREAM I AM THIS CLOSE TO CUTTING YOUR HEAD OFF IF ANY OF YOU SAY ANYTHING BAD I'LL STAB A KNIFE THROUGH YOUR HEART (I AM 6’3)

bee boy: thanks tommy!

Dream: see? This is the one time im afraid of tommy. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE SCARED OF ME 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

Dream: no. your a child. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: FUCK YOU.

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

Old: hes not wrong. Who next tubbo?

bee boy (derogatory): umm… Wilbur!

FishFucker: this better be good. 

FishFucker: i- SALLY WASNT A FISH. 

Dream: you literally called her salmon. 

FishFucker: fundy back me up please. SALLY ISNT A FISH

Furry: My mother wasnt a fish. I think. 

Furry: what the fuck. DREAM I HAVE A KNIFE IN MY HANDS RIGHT NOW. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY. 

Dream: your moms a fish, your a furry, your dads a fishfucker. You all have a things for animals.Also you admitted it earlier. Im not judging lmao. 

Dream: nvm i am definitely judging 

FishFucker: Fuck you. I did not admit it. 

_[Dream has sent an attachment]_

Furry: Fuck you. 

Furry: Techno, wanna come help me commit first degree murder?

Blood god: sure. Gimme 2 secs. Be over with the equipment soon.

Blood god: huh. Blood god. Good job. The knife with your name on has been dropped. 

Old: what the hell. He literally calls himself blood god. 

Dream: look. The man's terrifying. I am scared of him. We all are. 

Old: true.

FishFucker: true. 

Pandas: true. 

Twink: true. 

bee boy (derogatory): true.

Furry: true. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: I AM SCARED OF NOTHING. BUT THAT MAN SCARES ME. 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

Blood god: this is good. I like this. You should be scared. 

Dream: Are we gonna ignore the fact that he has a knife with my name on it? 

Blood god: I have one with all your names. 

Old: why? Just why? 

FishFuker: all of us? I want proof.

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: YEAH MOTHERFUCKER SHOW US

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

Blood god: You never know when someones going to betray you.

_[Blood god has sent 43 attachments]_

Blood god: There you go. That's all of them I think. 

Furry: I have decided that, although you are scary, you are my favourite. Can you buy me like 40 knives? 

Blood god: sure. 

FishFucker: NO.

Pandas: you think???? You think thats all?

Blood god: i mean i have others these are just the ones with names 

Twink: this is too much. Im taking a nap. Dont kill me please. How do you sleep with one eye open? 

Blood god: i could teach you if you want. Its very helpful. 

Twink: no. no. no. goodnight. Please dont kill me 

FishFucker: dad take the knives please

Old: you think i havent tried? Occasionally ill take some and hide them but they just disappear the next day.

Blood god: you hide things very badly. Me and will always knew what you were got us for christmas and birthdays and easter. 

FishFucker: true. true. 

Old: i feel offended. My hiding skills are great. Your just stupidly observant.

FishFucker: dad even tommy found them and hes blind

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: RUDE. I AM NOT BLIND.

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: ANYWAYS I AM LEAVING THIS HOUSE. NOT BECAUSE IM SCARED. JUST BECAUSE I WANT TOO.

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: ON AN UNRELATED NOTE I CAN HEAR TECHNO PLAYING WITH SWORDS IN HIS ROOM NEXT TO ME

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

bee boy (derogatory): do you want me to come with? 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: YES PLEASE

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: (I AM 6’3)

Bee boy (derogatory): okie :D

Dream: This (I AM 6’3) business is getting kinda boring lmao

Pandas: yh i say we change all our nicknames

Old: yh thats a good idea. 

Furry: YES. PLEASE. 

FishFucker: ^^^

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: ^^^

bee boy (derogatory): ^^^

Dream: fineeeee. Fine. what names do you want?

Twink: Gogy.

Dream: I thought you went to bed? 

Twink: I did but you lot keep buzzing my phone 

_[Dream changed Twink’s nickname]_

Gogy: thanks. Goodnight.

Pandas: me next. I want just SapNap

Dream: boring but okay

_[Dream changed Pandas’s nickname]_

SapNap: Fuck you. 

Old: dadza. 

_[Dream has changed Old’s nickname]_

Dadza: thanks mate

Dream: yw 

FishFucker: i want musician :)

Dream: i hate you. Your name was so funny 

_[Dream has changed FishFucker’s nickname]_

Musician: love you too bitch 

I AM SIX FOOT ONE: I AM BIGMAN.

_[Dream has changed I AM SIX FOOT ONE’S nickname]_

Bigman: THANKS.

Bigman: WAIT. I WANT IT IN CAPITALS.

Dream: you are the worst

_[Dream has changed Bigman’s nickname]_

BIGMAN: THANK YOU. 

bee boy (derogatory): can i just have bee boy please? :D

Dream: of course you can tubbo

_[Dream has changed bee boy (derogatory)’s nickname]_

bee boy: thank you dream! You're the best!

BIGMAN: I THOUGHT I WAS THE BEST

bee boy: sorry dream your the second best

Dream: god your so sweet whos next? 

Furry: just change mine to fundy. Im aware that im not funny.

Dream: furry was so funny thoughhh

Furry: i am not a furry. 

Dream: thats debatable

_[Dream has changed Furry’s nickname]_

Dream: Techno? 

Blood god: I like mine. I think it represents me well. 

Dream: that is terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha idk man kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Fun thing i did-   
> Techno has 43 pictures (each of a different knife) because i counter (using the wiki) how many people had ever entered the dream smp (taking away him and iskall(idk y he was on there tbh but he was)) and i got 43 so yeah fun
> 
> Also the attachment that dream sends is supposed to be of the previous conversation where he says 'this one has the furry in it' and fundy replies with 'fuck you'

**Author's Note:**

> Hello idrk whats happening here but uno
> 
> for the not british -  
> 7 = A, 9 = A** (idk if you guys use stars or plus but you get the gist)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated :)


End file.
